Not A Self-Esteem Problem

JULY 1/1994. ADULTISM—-This is not an article condoning disrespect toward adults—-nor saying that violence or negative actions/words by young people is OK. This article is interested, though, in exposing real reasons why violence and other negative behaviors happen along with finding solutions to reduce the misery young people are feeling and experiencing. This article is interested in giving young people ammunition to say, “Look, this will be our world soon, don’t make me wait until I’m 4o to make a real difference”.
Many experts believe that low self-esteem (a poor sense of one’s worth or ability—--a lack of confidence) is the reason young people (among other things) use drugs, get pregnant, and get in trouble at school and outside of school. For years educators and counselors have tried to help students overcome low self-esteem through positive reinforcements, individual and group counseling, and other interventions. 

While these are temporarily helpful, what young people need is power. Young people want to positively change and affect their lives, classes, schools, families, communities, neighborhoods, and country. Instead, however, adults promise if you study hard, work hard, stay out of fights, stay safe, don’t have sex, don’t drink or smoke, don’t mess up—-you will (10 to 20 years from now) have a life filled with power and privilege. I’m not saying the list above aren’t good choices—-of course they are—-but, in the same breath young people aren't noticed, listened to, trusted, or allowed to participate in making meaningful decisions. In other words—-no power.

Add to this that adults belittle, arbitrarily punish, yell at, put down, beat or molest young people—-it is no wonder self-esteem is low. Most adults deny that this is even an issue. Young people are told to “Follow directions and commands”. “We (adults) will decide your future for you through discipline records, arrests, report cards, evaluations, etc...” This is how young people are blamed for failures. “It must be low self-esteem” or “it’s a personal problem”. Students start to believe this and turn the frustration on to other teens and themselves. Gangs, date rape, the school bully, self-abuse from drugs or alcohol, unwanted pregnancy, cutting, attempted suicide, suicide—-all of these can be seen as forms of learned helplessness in teens. These are ways in which (because of abuse from adults and/or society) young people have learned to give up on themselves.

Adults create this powerlessness and proceed to heap on abuse. 1 out of 4 girls and 1 out of 6 boys is sexually abused (1993 stats). The Center For Disease Control states that violence against children (which can range from throwing an object to using a weapon) occurs in 62% of American families every year. When young people are only helped to develop higher self-esteem, they are lied to. This leads them to believe that only they are the problem and they are solely to blame.

Yes, we are all responsible for our actions. We must look, however, to the real causes of society’s/young peoples’ violence and hopelessness instead of putting young people in jail, writing them off as drug addicts, losing them to sex-trafficking, watching suicide rates climb. Adults need to teach young people the truth about what they are up against and shared solutions in order to increase the chance of happiness and success in their life...the truth about classism, capitalism, sexism, hate, heterosexism, “adultism" to name a few. Here are some ideas you can share with adults (including your teachers) on how to stop “adultism”.
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HOW ADULTS CAN STOP “ADULTISM”

1. Be an ally. Young people must know that we trust them, respect them, and will tell the truth.
2. Tell the truth about power. Young people need to be informed how power is used and abused in this society..
3. Tell the truth about violence. Identify the social violence directed at them because they are women, people of color, LGBTQ, poor, young.
4. Support healing. Let teens know it is not their fault they have been demeaned, assaulted, or discriminated against. We need to pass on skills for avoiding further violence in their lives and others’. Part of the healing involves actively working against all forms of abusive power.
5. Interrupt Adultism. It is always appropriate to intervene supportively when young people’s rights or due respect are being denied by adults.
6. Interrupt internalized adultism. Supportively intervene when one teen puts down or devalues another, or her/himself.
7. Promote true history. Inform young people about others’ struggles and achievements around their issues. Promote a sense of community around their issues.
8. Be a partner. Young people need us to be willing to share the power and to work with them.
9. Make mistakes openly and without self deprecation.

   10. Don’t do it alone. Take other adults with you on this journey
          and train them to support each other when mistakes are made.
   11.Celebrate teen successes. Young people deserve adult allies who notice and point                                                      out acts of self determination and celebrate them.