We Can Do Better

So much in the past week/weeks. But really the past decades and centuries. I been trying to figure out what I wanted to say because so many have said many, many things. I felt a repost of my June piece regarding the 3 P’s of conflict was appropriate. Even though the language is geared towards middle school students, it really illuminates the basic problems we have had, AND will continue to have until we collectively decide to make things better.
Before the Power, Prejudice, and Perception article, (Simply scroll down to the June 27th post) I would like to put down a few things I’ve written in a stream of conscious/ awake state of mind.
“Let’s look at all the facts first” is what I see in the comments from too many white people regarding Alton Sterling, Philando Castile, and Trayvon Martin, and Sandra Bland, and Eric Garner, and Rekia Boyd, and Freddie Gray, and and and and. The facts are that we as white people need to do two things. 1. STEP BACK and really listen and learn from Black People/People of Color. We call it active listening in counseling and it is what’s required in order to fully comprehend what we are hearing. 2. PUSH FORWARD as white people in encouragingly discussing, calling each other out, spreading truth about white privilege/white supremacy as a system in this country. This s**t is real. You/We feel Black people/People of Color speak on these issues to gain some advantage? To publicly whine? You/We feel their outrage is misplaced and should be turned on themselves? We need to work on ourselves as a group before we get to give any kind of “advice” about what other groups in this discussion need to do. We need to be consciously pushing forward everyday at work, at church, at the park, in city council meetings, at schools...stepping back and pushing forward. #WhiteOnWhiteSolutions.

The Unity Request. The unity request is noble in its desire to magically make things better...to spread pixie dust on a centuries old problem that’s never really been truthfully dealt with collectively as a country. The Unity Request is usually code language for wanting people with legit reasons to be pissed to calm down and join up with people that don’t want real change. It is typically requested by the party that doesn’t want things upset too much because “things aren’t bad for me and I’m sure things aren’t as bad as your pissed off face is telling me.” The truth is we do need to work together. I mean, I walk around with and give out to plenty of kids a T Shirt that has + > ÷ which means working 2gether is greater than being divided. HOWEVER, it is WORK to make things better and 2GETHER puts the onus on those that need to change to make things better for those that will benefit from the change that is needed. Don’t Calm Down.
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From Uncommon Knowledge, “Festinger coined the term ‘cognitive dissonance to describe the uncomfortable tension we feel when we experience conflicting thoughts or beliefs (cognitions), or engage in behavior that is apparently opposed to our stated beliefs. What is particularly interesting is the lengths to which people will go to reduce the inner tension without accepting that they might, in fact be wrong. e will accept almost any form of relief, other than admitting being at fault, or mistaken.
If a person believes, for example, that they they are not racist (or that the system of racism exists) but the discriminates against someone on the basis of race (whether consciously or unconsciously), this faces them with the discomfort of acknowledging that they (or the system) are racist after all. In an attempt to escape this discomfort, they will seek to rationalize (explain away) their behavior on some other grounds, which may be spurious, but which allow them to hold on to their otherwise discredited belief. Festinger quickly recognized that our intolerance for ‘cognitive dissonance’ could explain many mysteries of human behavior”